Regrets
by Gutterdevil
Summary: *Completed* Amy tries to come to terms with an abortion but nearly ends up losing the one she loves
1. Chapter 1

Author: Gutterdevil Title: Regrets Rating: PG Distribution: Anywhere but please ask by email first. Disclaimer: Wrestlers real names belong to themselves. Summary: Amy tries to come to terms with an abortion but ends up losing the one she loves.  
  
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Chapter 1  
  
"Matt.I need to talk to you" Amy mumbled, dreading what she was going to say to Matt but knowing she had to say it.  
  
"Why talk, when we have the house to ourselves, Jeff finally got the message and left." Matt walked over to Amy and slipped his arms around waist, he moved his mouth closer to hers for a kiss but she leaned backwards to evade him.  
  
"Amy, what's wrong? You've been cold with me for the past few days; I haven't done anything wrong, have I?" He paused and then in a rush said: "If it's another man I'm sure we can work past it, I love you and I don't want to lose you"  
  
Amy laughed nervously. "God, Matt, you couldn't be more wrong, I love you too. It's just I'm not too sure how to tell you what I've got to say. We've both got our careers to think of, it's the last thing we need at the moment but.I'm pregnant."  
  
"Are you sure Amy? We were always so careful."  
  
"I.I had it confirmed at the doctors yesterday. I'm about 2 months along, the baby's due about February."  
  
Matt took a deep breathe and then tried to speak calmly in the soft southern accent that Amy had always found so sexy.  
  
"This is the last thing you need at the moment, you have your career to think of and this could really hinder it. I mean what sort of life could we give to a child." Matt tried to stress what a bad idea having a baby could be to them.  
  
"I'm so glad you mentioned the 'we' because for a moment I thought you'd forgotten your own involvement in the conception. We have to decide what we're going to as a couple, you can't start blaming me and handing all the responsibility over to me, Matt, it's not fair." Amy's voice had hardened as she said the last few words and she sounded angry.  
  
"Ames, I'm sorry, this has just come as a shock to me, I'm not sure that I'm ready to have a baby, I'm only 27. There's plenty of time for us to have a family later on when we're not wrestling so much. Do you want to have the baby?"  
  
Amy took a deep breathe and paused before she answered.  
  
"Honestly? I don't know Matt, I can't make this decision alone, I need you to be there. I know it wouldn't be practical to have the baby and what kind of live could we give it, 4 days a week on the road but yet the baby still feels a part of me and I don't think I could have an abortion even if I wanted to."  
  
Matt knew in his heart how much this meant to Amy to have the baby but yet he knew how badly he didn't want it and how trapped he felt. He knew what he was about to say was selfish but the words just seemed to flow and he couldn't stop them.  
  
"If you have this baby, Amy, I'm not sure I could stay with you. You're going to have to decide what's more important to you - me or the baby. 


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2  
  
Amy still regretted the decision she had made just over a year ago. Their baby should have been 3 months old by now. Amy still thought about her every day, pictured the baby's small angelic face, imagined her with Matt's dark hair and expressive brown eyes.  
  
The ironic thing was that after she'd had the abortion Amy couldn't stand to be around Matt anyway as she'd blamed him for making her have the abortion and so had finally dumped him just after the date the baby should have been born on. After Amy had had the termination it had never been the same between them. Endless tension punctuated only by arguments. Even Jeff had grown tired of it and normally things flew over his head, so had stopped travelling with them. Amy had wanted to cling to Jeff; he was the only one who had understood how she felt about the abortion. He had been so excited about becoming an uncle and had been so disappointed in Matt's ultimatum to Amy. Things had changed so much between the two brothers with Jeff spending much more time with Amy.  
  
Matt had tried to forget all about Amy's pregnancy and had thrown himself into wrestling like never before. Amy had wanted to remember the few precious weeks she'd had with a baby inside her and the happiness she had felt when she had found out she was pregnant which had soon be replaced with guilt and a hollowness after the abortion. She had never really thought of herself as a mothering kind before she had gotten pregnant, had always considered herself a career women and never thought she'd have children but the pregnancy had changed everything. She had been ready to give up her career for a few years for Matt's child.  
  
During the last year Amy had lost most of her close friends, only Jeff and Trish staying close to her. The rest couldn't bear to be around her when she had sunk so low in her depression. She had used to be so fun loving and easy going but in the last year she had gone into a shell, rarely smiled and had only laughed once or twice. Even then the laughter was verging on hysteria. It just wasn't the Amy they knew and had loved.  
  
While Amy had been so depressed, Matt was totally the opposite, he was the life and soul of the party. He had always been the quiet, subdued Hardy but this had all changed. The wrestlers that used to call Matt a bore where now clinging to him and always wanted him to join them clubbing. Now Jeff was the one spending nights at the hotel comforting Amy whereas Matt was spending most nights drinking and dancing. During the day he threw himself into wrestling and training. Matt and Amy had virtually no contact. Matt and Lita had suffered a break-up onscreen and off. All three of Team Xtreme had become singles wrestlers in the space of a few weeks.  
  
No one could have guessed that behind the partying and laughter, there was a broken man who regretted badly what he had done to Amy. All he could feel was an intense amount of guilt and the love he had always felt for Amy and he knew it would never go. 


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks for all the reviews.  
  
Chapter 3  
  
It was slow going but eventually Amy seemed to be coming out of the depression she had sunk into. The permanent frown she had worn had vanished and her laughter could be heard coming from her locker rooms again. She had even started going out to clubs again of a night although not as often as she used to and it was still not the same Amy but most of her friends thought this was because she was missing Matt rather than her baby.  
  
Edge and Amy were spending a lot of time together and constantly flirted with each other. Edge and Amy both knew nothing would come of it; she still loved Matt although she'd deny it if anyone asked. As for Edge he and Christian had an on - off relationship and hardly any wrestlers knew about it.  
  
As for Matt and Amy they were seeing more of each other than they had just after the abortion, while they still weren't close, and both doubted they ever would be again, they were at least civil to each other when they did speak. Jeff had also grown closer to his brother again, although he was now spending more time with Trish, so Amy was left spending more time with friends and Matt was used to being on his own.  
  
Matt walked into Jeff's locker room to prepare for a tag match with Jeff. Although they weren't "The Hardy Boyz" anymore they still tagged occasionally. Lita was also in the locker room but once had Matt entered she left as quickly as she could.  
  
After she had left Matt stood staring at the door she had exited by until Jeff spoke.  
  
"Why don't you try to talk to her?" Jeff repeated it for the third time as Matt had been so absorbed thinking about Amy.  
  
"Jeff. she wouldn't want to talk to me and I don't blame her, not after what I did."  
  
"Anyone can see you two are still in love, even I can and you know how I'm always in my own little world. You're sorry for what happened and I'm sure she'll listen to you."  
  
"She's with Edge now anyway so it's pointless talking about it."  
  
Jeff gave a sarcastic laugh.  
  
"No, she's not. Edge and Amy are close but there's nothing more than flirting between them."  
  
"Jeff, just leave it, I know she'd never forgive me and there's no reason to drag it all up again, it would just hurt Amy."  
  
But Matt thought about what Jeff had said for several days until he told himself to forget all about the conversation. He couldn't expect Amy to forgive and forget so they were back in the same place they'd been for the past year, unless Matt could find a way of getting around Amy and hoping she'd let him back in her life 


	4. Chapter 4

Kat~ I was calling Edge and Christian by their character names because I thought it might get confusing if someone didn't know their real names.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Chapter 4  
  
Jeff was going out to a club with a few of the other wwe superstars and decided to try and get Amy to come with him as it had been awhile since she'd been out.  
  
"Why don't you come out with me and Trish tonight, Ames?"  
  
"I'm really tired; I'd rather just stay here tonight."  
  
"Come on, it'll be fun and Matt's not going to be there if that's what you're worried about." Jeff said, he knew why she was hesitating about coming.  
  
"If you're sure that I wouldn't be a hanger on, I suppose it would be fun" Amy said pretending to sound reluctant but inside not being able to wait now she knew Matt wouldn't be there.  
  
"Great, what are you going to wear?" Jeff almost bounced off the bed he was sitting on, now he knew she was coming and that Matt was also going.  
  
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Matt had noticed Amy as soon as she'd walking in with Jeff, Trish and Edge. She was looking up at Edge and laughing. Matt frowned at the thought of her going out with Edge, no matter what Jeff had told him, he was sure there was something there.  
  
It was at that moment that she looked over at the table of wwe superstars. Her eyes skimmed from face to face until it landed on Matt's. Her eyes flew to his and he could see the shock evident in them even from the distance apart they were. Matt had only agreed to come tonight because Jeff had told him she would be there but obviously she hadn't thought he was coming.  
  
Trish and Edge walked over to the table while Jeff and Amy went to get them drinks at the bar. Matt looked over at them after saying hi to Trish and Edge and saw they looked to be in an argument. He thought it was probably about him because Amy kept shooting looks at him out of the corner of her eye.  
  
After they had paid for their drinks they started walking over to the table, Amy following reluctantly behind Jeff, looking as if she'd rather be anywhere but where she was.  
  
Edge and Taker made room for her between them to sit down and Jeff went off to dance with Trish.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Soon the rest of the superstars were also dancing and only Matt and Amy were left at the table. The silence was awkward and they were both staring anywhere but at each other.  
  
"Do you want to dance?" Matt spoke loudly, it made Amy jump slightly even though he was talking over the music.  
  
"Umm, yeah, sure, I guess." Amy stammered.  
  
They walked as far apart as they could on the way to the dance floor. Matt gathered her close but she pushed against his chest to put some distance between them. They danced for awhile in silence, the tension was obvious to anyone around them.  
  
"Amy. I want to apologise about the baby, I never realised just how much it went to you until I'd made you have the abortion. I was selfish, just thinking about Matt Hardy and team Xtreme. I wasn't ready to be a father; I know it's not an excuse. If you had left and gone back to NC to have the baby I'd have missed you so much and I just wanted you on the road with me. But the way things are at the moment is so much worse, we barely talk. I don't blame you from not wanting to talk to me. You must hate me but I still love you, I no I have no right to say that to you though. Every day I regret so much giving you that ultimatum but mostly I regret not having a little Amy running around after us." All this came out in a nervous rush from Matt.  
  
Amy was crying softly to herself but as soon as Matt had finished speaking she looked up at him.  
  
"Matt, I don't know if I can forgive you or if we can make this work but I'd like to give it a try."  
  
They walked out of the club hand in hand. Who knew what would come in the future but for the moment they had each other and that was all that mattered to either of them. 


End file.
